


Basic Math

by fragilecapricornpanic



Series: PRE-WRITTEN, Pre-Canon Sibling Encounters [81]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves Friendship, Ben Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Canon Compliant, Diego Hargreeves is Bad at Feelings, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Klaus Hargreeves Needs Help, No Incest, No Slash, One Shot, One Shot Collection, POV Alternating, Pre-Canon, Protective Diego Hargreeves, Soft Diego Hargreeves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:49:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27154769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fragilecapricornpanic/pseuds/fragilecapricornpanic
Summary: “Can you give me a ride?” Klaus asked with Puss in Boots eyes. Everything within Diego was desperate to sayhell no, but he knew that would just make Klaus whine - which would definitely make Diego late for work. Trying to start the piece of garbage engine, Diego took a moment to scowl at his brother through the rear view mirror. There wasn’t really any particular reason for the glare, he just felt like it.
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves
Series: PRE-WRITTEN, Pre-Canon Sibling Encounters [81]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1869709
Kudos: 36





	Basic Math

Opening the backdoor to his car, Diego piercingly whistled and gestured for Klaus to hurriedly get out. He had to go to work, he didn’t have time for his brother’s inevitable stupidity. Diego whacked Klaus’ leg when he didn’t wake. “You’re a very rude alarm...” Klaus mumbled dozily, stretching in a way that was clearly half for dramatic effect. Diego cringed as the very first thing his brother did was wash down pills with booze. A lot of booze. It was like he’d been trapped in a desert with no hydration. How the hell was Klaus alive? It was almost a talent for him to not be dead at this point. Diego definitely wasn’t going to donate part of his liver to his brother when he undoubtedly destroyed his, that was for sure. “Take your time.” Diego sarcastically muttered, tensely glancing down to his watch. He couldn’t afford to get fired again. In every sense.

Why did he let Klaus sleep in his car?! He should’ve just said no, or given him a ride to one of the shelters he apparently loathes so much. Diego wasn’t responsible for him, or for the fact it was snowy out. Why was he such a goddamn pushover? He’d honestly spent half the night worried that Klaus was going to steal the car, anxious incase it was the strongest whim that came to his brother’s neglected brain. Maybe it would’ve been better to have just asked Eudora to have gone home last night... but Diego didn’t really want Klaus in his apartment either, opposed to his car. It was a lose lose situation. At least his brother didn’t freeze to death, that was one positive. “Can you give me a ride?” Klaus asked with Puss in Boots eyes. Everything within Diego was desperate to say _hell no_ , but he knew that would just make Klaus whine - which would definitely make Diego late for work.

Huffing with irritation, Diego slammed the backdoor and jumped into the front seat. Trying and failing multiple times to start the piece of garbage engine, Diego took a moment to scowl at his brother through the rear view mirror. There wasn’t really any particular reason for the glare, he just felt like it. Finally the engine woke the hell up. “First of all,” Diego began to drive towards work, intending to just strand Klaus somewhere within the city to quickly get rid of him. “I’m not taking you to McDonald’s.” Klaus loudly sighed with disappointment. “Second, I am not your cab driver.” The difference was that cabbies actually got paid. “Third, you’re a grown-ass man, you need to stop getting thrown out of places.” Diego couldn’t truly blame the people Klaus stayed with for kicking him out. His brother was like one of those really annoying flies that you just can’t catch, where the buzzing almost sends you into clinical insanity. “Last but _definitely_ not least, I am not your d-“ Diego stopped himself just before he patronisingly said daddy, knowing Klaus would be utterly disgusting. “Dad. I am not your dad.”

Klaus had absolutely no destination to be dropped off at, he just wanted to stay in the warm car longer. Well, it was a piece of shit car, it wasn’t all that warm. But it was dry, and the seats were relatively soft. Plus, Diego let him borrow a fluffy blanket. “I didn’t even do anything this time,” Klaus defended himself, throwing his head between his knees. “I just... had an argument.” It was best to not divulge that the fight had been with Ben, that wouldn’t be well received by Diego. It hadn’t been well received by the guy Klaus was crashing with either, for obvious reasons. People were very judgemental when you’d yell at someone they couldn’t see or hear. On the very rare occasions Klaus was genuinley able to convince people he was an Umbrella kid, and that Ben was a ghost, they’d just become even more freaked out than when they’d thought Klaus was talking to himself to begin with. “I don’t give a shit,” Diego scoffed with bored disinterest “just grow up.” Klaus parroted his brother’s words mockingly, accidentally proving Diego’s point about being immature. “That... that didn’t mean anything, it’s just early.” Klaus awkwardly backtracked, rolling his eyes when Diego smugly sniggered.

Since their shouting match the day before, Klaus hadn’t seen Ben at all. He’d stormed away in anger to god knows where. It was likely Ben was checking on Vanya, but Klaus certainly wasn’t going to go to her place to find out. She always seemed on the verge of an anxiety attack when they’d spend time together, for whatever reason. “Here?” Diego offered a location to drop him off at, so Klaus pulled his head up to blearily look out of the window. “Fuck you.” Klaus felt on edge just from being near rehab. Diego was slyly chuckling at his own joke, as if it had actually been at all funny. “You can get out when I get to work.” his brother droned once he’d stopped laughing, obviously knowing Klaus had nowhere to go. It should really be embarrassing to rely on others to such an extreme, but Klaus had lost the majority of that emotion years ago. It just got in the way. Ben usually just got embarrassed on his behalf instead.

It was tempting to actually force his brother into rehab, but Diego was prioritising not being tardy for work. Klaus would get back to using quite literally as soon as he left the place anyway. Diego was once again a hair away from being fired. He had almost as much difficulty keeping down a job as Klaus did keeping a roof over his head. It was kind of disturbing having his brother not blabbering a one-sided conversation, or the frequent one-sided bickering. Had his imaginary friends gone out to play? Maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing. His brother was still babbling, except it was aimed at Diego. He frankly didn’t have a clue what Klaus was actually talking about, since he was trying his darnedest to ignore him. Diego had been mentally scarred by Klaus enough times to just instinctually choose not to listen. His brother was like ambient noise, but excruciatingly irritating. Diego needed a fly swatter. “Maybe if you talked less, people would stop kicking you out.” 

“Wow, never heard that one before.” Klaus shoved his backpack over his shoulder as Diego parked up outside of what was presumably his current workplace. That wouldn’t last long. It never did. Stepping from the car, Klaus looked up to the place’s dingy sign with terribly contained amusement. “Is this why you wouldn’t take me to McDonalds?” He couldn’t hold back a wheeze. Diego scornfully kicked him in the back of the heel, obviously sensitive about currently working at a burger joint. “You’ve literally never had a job.” Diego aggrievedly remarked, locking the car doors behind them. Like anyone would steal that rusted up piece of trash. “Oh, I’ve had many _jobs_.” Klaus impishly made a crude hand gesture, finding great joy in grossing his brother out. Diego grimaced so much that he almost shuddered, immediately storming from Klaus’ general vicinity. Klaus kept up with him, just for the sake of it. He had nothing else to do. Maybe that was why Ben always followed Klaus around too. 

“I’m not giving you money.” Diego bluntly stated, saying it hastily before Klaus could overshare any further unwanted details about his sex life. “I didn’t even ask for any yet!” his brother whined, for some reason following him to the door. “Exactly, _yet_.” If Klaus ever didn’t ask for money, Diego would probably recommend he see a neurologist about his sudden personality change. Or maybe not, it would be more convenient to keep him like that. “Well since you bring it up...” his brother obnoxiously stuck a hand out to receive cash. Diego looked down at the stupid goddamn palm tattoo with disdain.

Placing his hands on either of Klaus’ shoulders, Diego looked into his brother’s tiny pupils. “I am _not_ your _dad_.” Diego spoke incredibly slowly and condescendingly, as if he were talking to a very small child. Who had one brain cell. “I am your _brother_.” Diego held up a hand to shush Klaus when he began to speak. “We are the _exact same age_.” he patronisingly drawled, knowing Klaus would use the little brother card. Even though Klaus was the little brother, it was still an overused tactic by him. Diego patted his brother on the shoulder as though he were congratulating him on a successful little league game. He knew he didn’t even have to tell Klaus to call if he needed somewhere to crash again, since his brother habitually just invited himself whenever he wanted.

“But you’re Number Two and I’m Number Four!” Klaus exclaimed with exasperation, perfectly aware Diego had pride in being the designated second eldest. “It’s basic math!” His brother completely ignored him, swiftly making his way through the burger joint and into the back room - leaving Klaus stranded like the orphan he once was. He didn’t even have Ben today either. “Well shit.” Klaus petulantly hissed to himself, feeling like one of those dogs who gets driven to a field and abandoned there. At least he’d stolen Diego’s watch.


End file.
